Authentic Pursuit | Blog Posts

The Day the Music Stopped

Fri, 09 Aug 2024 17:26:38 GMT

The Day The Music Stopped

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed..." II Corinthians 4:8

The Day the Music Stopped

I can’t be certain, but I guess it happened sometime between April 2020 and April 2022. I find it odd now, however, I didn’t notice for quite some time, so I can’t tell you when it stopped. But sadly, without any warning, the music stopped. Anyone who knew our family then would have told you, that our home was always filled with music. Our three middle girls were 14,13 and 12 at the beginning of 2020. They would sit for hours writing and performing songs for whoever would listen. It brought so much joy to my heart hearing this “Sister Band”, as they called it, fill the air with praises to God and heartfelt original songs. It seemed they ate, slept, and breathed music... until they didn’t.

It all started right around the time the world shut down with Covid. We were on lockdown, which was hard enough to begin with when I received an unexpected phone call. The call went something like this; “Mom, don’t kill me.” My stomach dropped immediately and in what was probably 15 seconds my brain swirled through 100 possible scenarios of what was about to unfold. I can’t recall what my response was, but what came next caught me by surprise. “Mom, I’m pregnant.” This was coming from our oldest girl, who just a year prior had spent 11 months traveling the world as a missionary. She wasn’t married or engaged so this was unexpected and shocking. I had spent the past 7 years serving as the Women’s Ministry Coordinator at my church. My life was dedicated to helping people pursue Jesus and live according to His Word. I often spoke to groups of moms about raising their children in the faith. Now, somehow, I felt like a failure as a mom even though just a few months prior I was the keynote speaker at a Women’s Retreat where I encouraged my audience to remember, that our children’s failures do not define us.

It was easy to speak those words at a time when all our kids seemed to be living out their faith in ways that would make any Christian Momma proud. Now here I was, face to face with a “What next?” moment. A moment I knew others would scrutinize and judge. A moment that threw my younger girls for a loop. That’s when I heard it. That whisper in my heart. The one that is so quiet, yet so loud it’s almost audible. I’ve heard it before, and I have come to recognize it as the voice of God. This is what I heard. “Julie, what makes you think that I have taken my hand off your girl just because she sinned?” It was as if God was reminding me to keep pressing on. When we get knocked down, we simply get back up again. We can trust God still has us. Sin has consequences and grieves God but what Jesus did on Calvary is far more powerful!

In the days following that announcement, we watched my mom-in-law lose her battle with cancer and witnessed her take her final breath. A few months later COVID wiped me out for a solid month and my kids struggled, like the rest of the world, with uncertainty and fear concerning the future. In March, less than 5 months after we buried my mom-in-law, we grieved the loss of my mom. Less than one month later, on April 10 ^th, 2021, we received a phone call that shattered our hearts. Our daughter, the one who had announced her unplanned pregnancy just one year prior, was involved in a domestic violence situation that left her unrecognizable. How does this happen? We weren’t “that kind of family”. I didn’t realize it then, but I had so much to learn.

Just days after this horrible incident we buried my aunt. It was a lot in a short time. I wish I could say it ended there but the worst was yet to come. In May we realized something was seriously wrong with our girl. Could it be the violence that left her unrecognizable had caused a more serious injury than we originally thought? We asked for more tests and two hospitals dropped the ball. Then on June 16 ^th, 2021, the call came. “Mrs. Godwin we are calling to let you know we are taking your daughter in for emergency brain surgery. We aren’t asking permission. We are simply informing you because if we don’t do it now, she will die.” The words felt surreal, and I replayed them as I raced to the hospital. Living only minutes from the hospital, I made it in time to tell her I loved her before she was taken back but I wasn’t prepared for what came next. I sat by her side in recovery and that was the first time I heard it. The word if. That word was being thrown around way too casually “If she wakes up...” “If she ever talks ...” If she ever walks again...” What did they mean by “If”? If I had to guess that was when the music started to fade.

That summer was long, and our girl underwent 7 different brain procedures in 4 months. I spent most of my days at the hospital while my teenagers took care of their younger siblings and their infant nephew. In addition, misunderstandings led to losing friendships. Not surprisingly, our big, beautiful, vibrant family was worn. Although God provided strength, peace, and even new friends to help us through, my kids weren’t handling things as well as I thought. They were crumbling inside and at some point, the music stopped.

As if all we had been through wasn’t enough the next year brought situations that most people only ever read about or see on TV, and we had three more major losses including the loss of my dad. This was a breaking point for me. It was November of 2023, and I was all set to have my 1 ^st six-session Bible Study produced and published. The study’s title,

“When Hope and Hurt Collide”, was chosen almost a year prior and it was all about finding strength and Joy in difficult circumstances. God had held me up through a lot and provided supernatural strength and joy in the middle of our difficulties but now, like the straw that broke the camel’s back, depression hit me hard. Satan was doing all he could to take me down. The good news is, that my God is bigger than my enemy and has seen me through it all!

I learned a long time ago how to find strength and joy in difficult circumstances, but now I have a better understanding of how to hold onto Jesus and hope when your despair is depression based. The reality is I couldn’t shake the depression on my own, but God met me there. He held my hand and saw me through. He is seeing my family through too and although the music stopped, I am seeing glimpses of what once was. Music has started to fill the air again. Not as often as it once did but there is hope. In case you were wondering our girl miraculously recovered, despite the odds against her. Our family has holes that can never be repaired but we are healing. We are excited about the future and what it holds. We know God will continue to be faithful and hod us up!

If you find yourself in a season, where the music has stopped, I encourage you to keep pressing on. Seek God first and foremost. If depression has its grip on you, please know there is no shame in seeking professional help or taking meds if you need them. God will guide you to what’s best if you ask Him.

I can honestly say I’m grateful for the lessons learned through this incredibly tough season. The rain has made me appreciate the sunshine more than ever before. If you’ve been knocked down let Him help you up again. Trust Jesus to hold your heart and your hand. When you are weak, He is strong! All it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed!

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”

II Corinthians 4:8-10~ NLT

Say Goodbye To Selective Gratitude

Fri, 08 Nov 2019 17:14:41 GMT

I Thessalonians 5:18 …give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Gratitude…it’s on my heart and not because its November. The timing is complete coincidence. What really got me thinking about gratitude took place two weeks ago. Imagine spending months planning out the perfect Birthday party for someone you adore. You would pay close attention to the details; hoping all who came had an amazing time and most importantly your guest of honor was pleased. That is similar to what happened two weeks ago, only it wasn’t a Birthday party it was a women’s retreat. It was a fantastic weekend and the women didn’t hesitate to say so. The atmosphere was positive and filled with gratitude. My heart was so encouraged! Knowing our effort was not in vain and our hard work was appreciated, was just what I needed to keep pressing on. As I pondered all the thanks filled praise, I recalled all the times my church leaders have planned something I took for granted; never once giving thought to how much time, love and energy went into making it great for all who came. Shame on me...shame on me for those couple of times I chose to grumble about what I didn’t like instead of focusing on what I should be thankful for! Shame on me for jumping on the thankful bandwagon every November and yet not allowing gratitude to be my lifestyle all year round.

I’ve always thought of myself as a positive grateful person but am I really? Do I actually live in a state of gratitude like I Thessalonians suggests or is my gratitude selective. What about you? Are you picking and choosing what is worthy of your thanks? Does grumbling about what you don’t like come easier than giving thanks in ALL situations? This same passage of scripture in Thessalonians tells us “…encourage one another and build one another up…now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work.” I can tell you with certainty, true heartfelt gratitude lovingly encourages and builds up like nothing else can! But just like love, gratitude should never be forced. I remember when my husband and I first started dating and I expressed my dislike for Valentine’s Day. I think at first, he thought, “Woohoo, I’m off the hook!” till I explained further. I didn’t like the idea of Hallmark telling him it was “that time” of year again.

I want him to express his love for me as often as he can, not out of obligation because of a national holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take the roses and the chocolates and the extra attention in February but only if it’s in addition to the love he shows me all the other months of the year. It should be the same way with gratitude, especially in our churches. Don’t wait for pastor appreciation month to tell your church leaders how much you value them, instead tell them often. It will fuel them to keep pressing on. It will build them up and encourage them. In addition to building up, true gratitude will disintegrate the devastating effects of comparison. In a world where comparison is taking over hearts like never before it’s good to know there is a remedy. Gratitude takes our eyes off what others have and puts our eyes on what we have been blessed with instead.

So, the next time you log onto Facebook or Instagram and are tempted to compare take this thankful dare:

Write down at least three things/people you are thankful for and then go send a message to someone on your list letting them know you are thankful for them. Let gratitude become a daily habit and once it is habit it will become a lifestyle… A lifestyle you will not regret!

I challenge you to choose true gratitude every time you step foot in your church or attend a church planned event. Vocalize that gratitude to your leaders and those behind the scene servants who give of themselves regularly. Express gratitude to your pastors, nursery workers, Sunday school teachers, Awana leaders, children’s director, worship leaders, youth leaders, coffee/cookie bar workers, greeters, janitors, grounds keepers and elders ect…than let the overflow of that gratitude be a light in a lost world. As followers of Jesus we should shine brighter than others. And believe me an attitude of gratitude shines because it is in such contrast to a world where grumbling and complaining seem to reign. Letting gratitude reign not only reshapes your thoughts but it paves the way for happier healthier living.

According to Anne Voskamp, a Harvard study showed that people who practiced writing down 3 things they are thankful for each day made people that were on probation, kids that were cutting, and women who wanted to throw in the towel less depressed, less suicidal, and less apathetic. They were able to increase their positive focus by 25%, had increased alertness, enthusiasm, optimism, attentiveness, and energy. They were more motivated, more forgiving, more likeable, more generous, more helpful, more likely to give back and more likely to volunteer. And they did all of this for free; simply by writing down 3 things they were thankful for each day.

So, this November please join me in kicking selective gratitude to the curb and embrace an attitude of gratitude that “gives thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Happy early Thanksgiving! Go Light the World!

Fill My Cup

Mon, 22 Oct 2018 16:24:31 GMT

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE coffee!

It was no surprise that my oldest girl would gift me with this cute mug for my birthday. I love it! In fact I like my coffee so much that we have a fully stocked "coffee station" in our bedroom; complete with a mini fridge to store creamer. We own not one, not two, not three but 4 coffee pots. One for the kitchen, one for the bedroom, an extra in case our kitchen pot breaks, and one to take on vacation because otherwise you might get stuck with a mini pot and that will never do!

On the extremely rare occasion that a friend sees me without a cup of coffee in my hand it does not go unnoticed. And, yes you guessed it, I have tee shirts and décor indicating that Jesus, coffee, and grace is all I need. I, like others, have joked that "He-Brews" is an indication God drinks coffee. While all these cute sayings and quotes are fun, they really are JUST that...nothing more than fun. As I sat this morning sipping my favorite Hazelnut flavored brew and reflecting on what I am currently reading in Genesis I couldn't help but wonder if my kids will remember me reading my Bible as much as they remember my coffee habits. Will my faith and my love for Jesus be what stands out most when they think of me years after I'm gone? Will they understand that Mama needed Jesus way more than coffee? I am in awe of the men we read about in the first few chapters of the Bible.

Like Enoch, I want to be remember for my walk with God. Like Noah, I want to find favor in the sight of the Lord no matter what is going on in the world around me. I am challenged today to live the life that God has created me to live; to "bear fruit' that lasts as John 15:16 says. I don't want to forget that we live in a world filled with people who still need what Jesus came to give. I don't want those people to ever believe that I value coffee as much as my Savior. I want them to want what I have in my heart, not what I carry in my hand. I have teased before about needing an IV for my coffee but I am already connected to "The Vine". He is truly all I need Like the song says, "I need you, oh I need you. Every hour I need you. My one defense, my righteousness, oh, God how I need you." I still love my coffee but not like I love my Jesus. I'd give it up in a heartbeat if it meant just one person could know God the way I know God. When my days get crazy, and they usually do, it's my knees I get on and my Bible I reach for not my brew. When my 4 yr old comes screaming down the steps because her 5 yr old sister hit her, my 8 yr old says his 10 yr old sister called him ugly and stupid, my 13 yr old races up the stairs yelling how rude I am and that she hates me all because I said she had to finish her school work, the door bell is ringing, and my 12 yr old needs help with Math it's Jesus that gives me strength. It's scripture hidden in my heart that settles my spirit and allows me to sift through the crazy.

Don't worry, friends I'm not implying God wants us all to surrender our morning "hug in a mug"...chances are the next time you see me I will STILL have my favorite brew in hand. It is, however, my prayer that I will be remembered for more... that Jesus, in me, is what others will see and I will spend my days living only for Him. "John 15:5 "I am the vine you are the branches... apart from me you can do nothing." Are you connected to the vine? Is he your source or are you relying on something else that will leave you feeling deflated, defeated and empty inside.

How do others see you? Today, I hope you will find a way to fill your cup with the only one who truly satisfies and that it overflows on those who know and love you.

Confessions of a World Race Momma

Tue, 31 Jan 2017 17:33:03 GMT

It's been almost a year since our oldest daughter introduced us to an organization called Adventures in Missions (AIM) and what I call a journey for Jesus, known as the World Race.

She was 20 yrs old and all set to go serve with missionaries in another country. I've been preparing for this since she was 14 yrs old, when she walked down in front of our church family on a Sunday night and announced that she felt God was calling her to missions. I remember that night vividly. A well meaning friend asked "Are you ok? Does this upset you?" To which I very quickly and pridefully replied, "Of course not! How could I be upset that my daughter has decided to spend her life committed to sharing Jesus with others? Isn't this what we've been teaching her, both as parents and as a church? Isn't living out the great commission what its all about?” Well, she was 14 then and for the past 7 yrs. her commitment to missions has not changed but the most it has involved has been a few short term missions trips here and there. THAT, I could handle. But this...this World Race thing...this is surprisingly hard!

I have to admit when she first came to me I was very casual with my responses. I asked some standard questions like, "Have you prayed about this? Are you sure? What about your plans to go to the Country of XXXXXX and serve there? How will you ever raise over $17,000 in that short time frame? Are you positive the appeal is not about going on a "field trip", so to speak, for 11 months? I mean who wouldn't want to travel to 11 different countries in 11 months all the while sharing Jesus?! Hey, I'm jealous! Can I ditch homeschooling, leave your siblings behind and come with you?! " Haha I was doing my due diligence as a mom…a mom who believes our job is to raise our kids to take control of their own life...A mom who believes in equipping our children while they are young so that by the age of 20 they can handle most things without you and they are responsible enough to ask for help or advice when they need it. So when Kierstin prayed about it and a week later came back with “I’ve decided to go.” I'm certain my response came as no surprise to her..."Ok, if you've prayed about it and you feel strongly that God is saying go then I support your decision.

At the time I would not have admitted this...but... there was a part of me that thought she would never go. After all Kierstin is a home body. I’ve raised her to be independent and she is...but we are also very close. Talk everyday, text all day kind of close. She struggled to live 10 minutes from home because she missed us. So she rented out her house, the one she owns free and clear of any mortgage, and moved back in with us. How does a kid like that do something like this? It comes down to one word…GOD. And then there was this $ thing...$17,000 is no joke! Sure, I was supportive in words but I'm not sure I was fully vested in understanding this "race" around the world. I'm not so sure I understood how much faith this was really going to take for both of us. My well meaning friend 7 yrs ago who asked me if I was upset when Kierstin announced her call to missions must have known something I didn't because this is hard...surprisingly hard

We are approaching the end of her first month away and I find myself more fully vested and supportive then before. Trying harder now to have the kind of faith this requires...the kind of faith I thought I had. God is growing me and growing pains are painful at first but already I am thankful for what I’m learning. I expected her to grow. I expected her to change. I expected her to struggle more then me. After all this is her journey. I was so wrong. This is our journey…our journey as mother and daughter, our journey as a family, and our journey as believers. God is working here in our home in unexpected ways as he uses her and her team to do big things in His name on the other side of the world. This squad of some 40 plus young people are about to pack up and head to their 2nd destination...not just 5 minutes up the road either...but to a whole new country! This is an incredibly brave and courageous group of young people!

Some may think they are just adventurous young people on a journey to see the world. That couldn't be further from the truth. (Just read some of their blogs) Each one of them has left the comforts of home, the cushy life living in the US gives us, and each one of them has made a sacrifice to travel all around the world with a group of strangers in the name of Jesus…strangers that will slowly become like family. They will do hard things. They will see things they wish they could erase from their memories. They will leave pieces of their hearts with people in 11 different countries and all over the US as they develop relationships with their teams. Where will they serve this month and will they have internet so we can communicate? Will they miss home as much their second month or will they miss it more? Will they have a host family that has space indoors or will they sleep in tents? Will they get sick and if so will they have the proper care? Will they ever feel at ease to loosen up and be themselves with this group they just traveled halfway around the world with. When they all eventually relax and their true colors show will they still like each other or will conflict begin to rear its ugly head?

So many unknowns! But this is what I DO know… my faith is being stretched to new heights. Jesus said “ ... Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Mathew 17:20 With enough faith we can move this mountain of unknowns directly into the hands of God and leave it there! God began revealing how little faith I actually had when she started fundraising and I had to pray for Him to help my unbelief. He did just that! With just over $2,000 left to raise I realized that $17,000 is nothing in God’s economy! Secondly, my eyes are being opened to see differently.

Jesus said before He left this earth…”Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12 NIV Our family is being nudged to live this out! Do you have enough faith to believe you can do even greater things then Jesus? Lastly, Jesus never said following Him would be easy. In fact we were told...“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24 NIV

This It is part of our kids denying themselves and taking up their cross to follow Jesus but it’s also us doing the same. No wonder it’s hard…this adventure for Jesus…this thing called the World Race. But you know what else I’m surprised by? That these growing pains…this stretching of my faith…this opening of my eyes is good…really really good and Im excited for what’s next!

Big Things

Wed, 13 Jul 2016 16:42:01 GMT

That's one BIG van and I still can't believe its ours! I've been wanting this little" mini-bus" ever since the first time I laid eyes on one last summer.

That's one BIG van and I still can't believe its ours! I've been wanting this little" mini-bus" ever since the first time I laid eyes on one last summer. I know, I know most of you can't relate but big changes have a way of changing you; a way of changing your dreams and desires. Every day when I look out and see this massive van I am reminded how God has asked me to make big changes so I can do BIG things for Him. I feel unable at times, inadequate, and under qualified. The truth is I am not able but He's never asked me to do anything that He wasn't able to equip me for!

This God sized call on my life started the day I surrendered myself completely and totally to Him. He asked me to take up my cross and follow Him and I said yes. I wasn't sure exactly what that would look like...but I knew it was BIG! I knew my life would never be the same and change was inevitable. I wasn't nervous or uncomfortable at the time . All I knew is I had said yes to God and that was good! That's why the first step of surrender is sometimes the easiest part. The hard part is saying yes when He asks you to do BIG things that scare you...things that you don't think you can do. He asked me to homeschool my kiddos. Confession....I don't LOVE homeschooling. Its a huge responsibility and a lot of hard work. He asked us to trust Him for the size of our family.

Confession....When Eric and I got married we each had one and we were done. The selfish side of me didn't want more. Having a family our size is a huge sacrifice. He asked me to teach His Word and speak for various women's events. Confession... the thought of public speaking used to LITERALLY make me vomit. He asked us to give up our dream of living in the country and move to the heart of the city so we could do ministry. Confession....I was scared beyond words the first month in our new home. He asked me to serve as Women's Ministry "Director" for our not so small church. Confession...I have no idea what I'm doing and a part of me is terrified but.....He asked... and I said yes.

Each BIG, scary thing that God has asked me to do has changed me. Its changed me for the better and I wouldn't change any of it! With each yes to God I have had to press into Jesus and rely more fully and completely on Him then ever before! The more I press into Him the more I desire Him. The more I desire Him the more He asks BIG things of me....God sized things...things I would have never dreamed of. The biggest change is I'm not scared anymore to say yes! I've learned His plan is better then anything I dreamed of anyway. Sure there's been heartache and hardship along the way because saying yes to God comes with an acceptance that He will probably have to break you before He can remold you into all He wants you to be; so you can do all He wants you to do.

If you are a child of God He has asked you to do BIG things! There are no exceptions! We have all been asked to take up our cross and follow Him. Your BIG things will inevitably look differant then mine but they will nonetheless be BIG to you.

Are you in tune to what God is asking you to do? Have you fully committed yourself to saying yes to God ? Is fear holding you back? Maybe the thought of saying yes to one more thing makes your head spin. Could it be that you've said yes one to many times to all the wrong things...things man has asked of you not God? Its important to reserve your yes' for Him. Ask God today how He wants to use you. Then be prepared to answer with a yes no matter how BIG the task! He will equip you and you will never regret living a life in service to Him!

1 John 2:17 "And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

"That" Book

Wed, 06 May 2015 17:04:03 GMT

I stand in this beautiful place...this place God has called me to...this place where many of my earthly dreams and reality have collided.

I am surrounded with more material riches then I need, more love then I ever imagined, and more grace then I deserve; yet, the past two weeks, my inadequacies have stared me in the face, causing an unshakeable restlessness in my spirit . I have been left feeling "overwhelmed and under qualified" concerning the task of parenting our big crew. Each day I live with the knowledge that this is one of the biggest things I will ever be part of and the way my heart is connected to it is indescribable! It is a heart connection that transcends all logic. It is a heart connection that enables me to love even the unlovable. Moms, I know you know exactly what I mean. Having two that are grown, both 19, I am fully aware that time is of the essence. So yesterday I stood in this beautiful place, with an overwhelming awareness that my call is bigger then my abilities. That awareness left me hovering where the tears want to come but I choke them back. I was actually driving alone and ridiculously happy to be able to go to the eye doctor without 6 kids in tow. The 5 minute drive there felt much longer because I was having an uninterrupted chat with God, alone in the middle of the day; A rare and awesome event in my world!!! So as I continued holding back the tears that threatened my eye makeup I told God how grateful I was for all He has blessed me with. I thanked Him for His Word and His undeserved grace. I thanked Him for being available to listen whenever I needed Him...Isn't that an amazing thought!?

I asked for wisdom in my parenting and all the other areas He has asked me to serve. I told God I was feeling like I needed to pit stop at the Christian book store and get a parenting book that would encourage me as I raise all these girls. Six to be exact. I explained that I didn't even know what author to look for or what book would be right and ask Him to guide my choice. I prayed my eye appointment would be fast so that I could make a stop for "that" book...whatever "that" book may be. Well as it ended up my time at the eye doctor took FOREVER, and another stop was not an option so I went home feeling a little discouraged. And that is when it happened!!!!! God showed up!!!!!! I found myself in one of those moments where God undeniably reveals how real He is and how much He truly cares for us!!!. When this happens in my life it is no small thing!!! Here is what happened: I arrived home and decided, after relentless pestering from one unnamed child, to open a box of homeschool curriculum that had been delivered earlier that day. This box wasn't particularly exciting (Just math and handwritting) but my 8 yr. old disagreed. She could not wait to see her new cursive handwriting book! So with one swift pull I yank the tape off the top and in an instant things turn from opening a boring box of school books to standing in the middle of a miracle...a miracle meant for me...a miracle some would view as small or coincidental but make no mistake it was neither! To me it was BIG! The coveted handwriting did not arrive that day. It was the only missing item.

What arrived in is place made me no longer capable of holding back the tears!!! It was "that" book!!!! And these tears were different. As I read the title; "Raising a Daughter After God's Own Heart" I was momentarily unable to speak or move. Could this be for real? I stood in awe of the God I love and serve!!!! I turned the book over and read more. It was exactly what I was looking for!! I KNOW God is Big. I KNOW God is real! I KNOW God loves me! I KNOW I can trust Him! But it is moments like these, where God shows up in such a fashion that makes me more profoundly aware of all those things I already KNOW!!! Its moments like this where the hair on my arms stands straight up and a chill runs up my spine making me want to tell the whole world what a great and mighty God I serve!!! CBD told me to keep "that" book as a gift from them because of their mistake.

But I know the truth...It was a gift from above!! A gift to remind me and others that God hears us when we pray and He cares! When we face those moments that seem too big to handle...when we feel "overwhelmed and under qualified"...when our call seems bigger then our ability we simply need to take it to Him! God's ability is bigger then your call! He is overqualified not overwhelmed! Best of all, He cares!!! I wonder sometimes how many miracles I miss simply because I don't cast ALL my cares on Him.

I pray that you are inspired to pray without ceasing, casting all your cares on Him, and that in the process you will find yourself right in the middle of a miracle...a miracle God has planned just for you! 1Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him for He careth for you."

What Enquiring Minds Want to Know

Thu, 12 Mar 2015 17:08:19 GMT

As of this past weekend, in our part of the world, we were still living with the aftermath of the biggest snow we've seen this year. Everywhere you turned there were piles of white.

Most people were either glad they have a snow blower or wishing they did because shoveling this much white stuff can be exhausting. Now that you have a picture in your mind of our surroundings last weekend you will understand why we felt a little silly riding down the road with our newest purchase in tow. People were looking at us with expressions that clearly said "Enquiring minds want to know." Ok, ok I'll tell you. I know your wondering. I won't keep you waiting much longer but first I want you to know this tidbit because it will make you even more curious. We live in the inner city and our big purchase was...are you ready for this... a little red craftsman DRM 500 riding mower. Yes you heard that right. A RIDING mower. It's like the little red riding hood of riding mowers. It looks kinda like a lego friends ladybug. Nonetheless, it is a riding mower...there are piles of snow outside ...and we live in the inner city. So now you may be one of those enquiring minds asking, why.

Some of you know that last May our family moved. The story is long but God's plan was clear. Through our house search and purchase we heard the voice of God loudly speak and direct us. Now we find ourselves living in our dream house right smack in the middle of where we did NOT want to be. I call it "Our dream home in God's location." If there's one thing I've learned its that even when God's plan lands us somewhere we don't want to be, its ALWAYS better then relocating outside of His will.

So what's all this have to do with our newest set of wheels? Well....God has led us to be very intentional in ministering to, and reaching the people of our city. We believe that developing relationships through meeting needs and spending time with others is the first step in the journey. So if you happen to be driving around town and see Eric on our "little red lady bug" going house to house mowing "lawns" for free you'll know why. We want to get a reputation in this city of ours. If you see people walking the streets with snowballs remember to say a prayer because a snowball stand is another outreach we have planned. If you see a flyer inviting you to our house for an outside movie night with free hotdogs and popcorn be sure and stop in. We would love your participation in helping us show the love of Jesus to the people of our city. Please join us in prayer now that you are aware of why we moved to the city and bought a riding mower.

We live in a world surrounded by people that need Jesus!!! If you know Him as your Savior, if you have allowed Him to come into your life and be your Lord then you have what others around you so desperately need! Today it is my prayer that God will use our family to set our city on fire for Jesus and that anyone who reads this will be inspired. Inspired to reach out to those in their circle of influence. You may not be able to reach the people of Africa, Haiti, Venezuela, or Japan but you can reach out to the people that are right here. I hope you will be intentional in reaching out to those around you. Without being intentional we tend to forget. We forget the miracle that Jesus performed in us. We forget how we've been transformed. We forget that there are people all around us lost and destined to an eternity separated from God in a place called hell. Gasp! I know! I said it! It seems we all want to forget that Hell is just as real as heaven.

Repentance is just as needed as love. And many people out there still need both! Gods grace is big enough for the whole world and its our job to tell others! We are called...called to stand out among the crowd as Jesus did...called to share the good news with those around us. Go be a light!

Let what Jesus did for you shine so bright that others will ask "What's different in you?" Love those around you enough to tell them what enquiring minds all over the world need to know! - Mark 16:15 "...go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation."

Go Up The Hill!

Wed, 11 Feb 2015 18:12:43 GMT

This is a picture I took yesterday while sitting at a stop sign about one block away from my house. Now don't get your feathers ruffled....no one was behind me, or anywhere in site for that matter. I was not snapping pictures in a moving vehicle!

This is a view I see almost everyday, at the very least Monday-Friday, as I pull to this stop sign so I can circle around the block to go home and each time I hear it...the chant..."Go up the hill! Go up the hill! Go up the hill!" And as usual, I say, " Not today." Now as you can see this isn't an especially exciting hill but in the mind of a 9,8,7, 4 and 2 yr. old it has some sort of magical and exciting appeal. Our 2 yr. old excitedly joins the chanting because being left out of the excitement would devastate this over dramatic, ornery, sweet girl of mine. So here I was approaching this reoccurring Ground Hog Day scene, and having just left our MOPS group where the guest speaker inspired me to have more fun with my kiddos, so I did it!!!! This spectacular event that my kids couldn't wait for was becoming a reality! The cheering was unbelievable!!!!! The "Yay, we're doing it!"

The noise level was ridiculously off the charts! All this over a hill that isn't particularly special! A hill that comes to a complete stop once you reach the top...and they know because we've traveled this hill before. So instantly in less then 30seconds I am... drum roll please..."THE BEST MOM EVER!!!" It was soooooo worth the extra 30 seconds! Sometimes moms desperately need those words of positive affirmation from our kids. Now I highly doubt this would have had a similar outcome if I had indulged them the past 37 times they asked. The point...there is so much power in your no and your yes!!! Like most things this power can be damaging or good. Too many no's in the life of a little person can send the message that what is important to them is...well...not important at all. It can send the message that they will never ever be able to live up to the standard set for them. That can set the stage for them to have a quitter mentality. To many yes's have the power to put our kids in situations they are not ready to navigate without us. It can be over indulgent making little things loose their excitement. Creating an impatience that says nothing is worth waiting for. This can led to an entitlement mentality. My prayer today is that God would grant us the wisdom and discernment needed so we can have ,God aligned, balance in our yes's and our no's. I pray that we will find ways to have fun with our children so that they grow knowing they are valuable in our sight and God's!

So if you see me in your neck of the woods in our 15 passenger "Monster Mobile" (as I endearingly refer to it), at the top of a hill, full of screaming kids you will know that we went on a hill seeking adventure. Know that we have the radio up singing praises to God as I allow them to tell me where to turn, looking for the next hill. Know that if you see us I am hoping it inspires you. Inspires you to pray as choose your yes's and no's carefully. Inspired to go on an adventure with your kids. An adventure that will make them squeal in delight proclaiming you as "The best mommy ever!"

Go up the hill mommas....your hill...the one that will make your kids do a happy dance!! Proverbs 3:6; 21 "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths...do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight preserve sound judgment and discretion

Get Real!

Sun, 08 Feb 2015 18:34:58 GMT

Risking open vulnerability, I'm about to get real! I've even posted pictures to show some of the real. All of this is prompted by a phone conversation my friend and I had the other day. She is such a good mom!

She often puts pictures on social media that give us all a peak into her families adventures. A lot of us do it...we snap a picture of something that is making us smile and a few clicks later it is added to our "highlight reel". Highlight reel??? I'm glad you asked!! Let me explain... A couple years ago my teenage daughter shared a quote that she heard in youth group. "Don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlights." Wow! What a great way to look at it! That's what we do and yup I am guilty...guilty of comparing my life to the parts of other peoples lives that they think are picture, and/ or status worthy. The parts they are willing to show when we enter their homes. The small glimpses of their life that are real but not complete.

I am guilty...guilty on two fronts. I see your highlights and I forget mine. I share my highlights but they are just that. Rarely do I expose my behind the scenes...the things that don't make the cut. All this highlight viewing can leave us feeling like...well...like less. Less of a mom, less of a daughter, less of a friend, less of a spouse and sadly less blessed. So I think its time to get real...get real so we don't forget how blessed we really are!

Let's first get real with ourselves! Remember most of what we see in others is ONLY what they are willing to let us see. The same friend that is once again taking another, amazing, picture worthy, vacation might spend every night arguing with her husband and be on the brink of divorce. The same friend who's life always seems perfect in every way could be nervously awaiting test results...results that leave her on the brink of a life changing cancer diagnosis. The same friend whose house always looks like a model home could be spending everyday stressed because finances are bad...soooo bad...they are on the brink of bankruptcy. For every highlight we see, there are scenes that wont make the cut. You might not want all that's attached to the rest of that highlight reel

Second let's get real with others. I'm not suggesting that we all turn into poster children for a "Negativity Campaign". I am not suggesting that you air all your dirty laundry. I am suggesting that we simply find value in exposing some of what doesn't usually make the cut. I'm suggesting sharing more of your real in an effort to encourage others. I am suggesting that maybe we don't race around cleaning our house the next time a friend is scheduled to stop by. Instead let them see your real. I am suggesting that an occasional picture that shares the ugly won't hurt

Let's get real...real intentional about using the highlights to motivate us when needed but never letting it make us feel like less. You are not less!!!! You were created by God and for Him. He made each of us with special abilities and talents. We are all blessed in different ways! We all experience different trials and hardships. We know that "God can use ALL things for good..."

I'm going to kick starting some "real sharing" by posting a [a photo above] of our [some of our] mess. This is a big deal for me because I'll admit I am slightly inclined to perfectionism in the way of house keeping and its really NOT a good thing!!! Just ask my family! Mess makes me feel true anxiety...like I cant breathe...literally. Here's the thing, its only our mess that makes me feel that way. Other peoples mess...well it's just that...their mess. So don't be worried if I come for a visit!! Your mess will help put me at ease!! It will help me to not feel like less!!! So go ahead, go be real!!!!!

And if you dare, I hope you'll share some of your "behind the scenes!!! Psalm 139: 14 " I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works...

Follow My Crazy

Mon, 02 Feb 2015 18:46:31 GMT

I'm wondering if anyone will dare to to follow my crazy today. Do you know what I'm talking about? Where one thought, leads to another, that leads to another, that leads to another, that leads to a complete dinning room makeover. Not just in your mind either, but you actually find yourself in Home Depot buying paint.

Your poor husband has no clue how he came home early because of rain and out of no where you are throwing him into a new project. This time it started with a thought about my weight and in a matter of seconds a thought about weight gain ends with a remodeled room. Crazy, right?!!! My husband would agree!!! Good thing he REALLY loves me!

My crazy thinking went something like this," One thing I love about being pregnant is that it's like a free ticket to not worry about my weight. When I'm not pregnant I actually have to work at keeping off those extra lbs...ugggg. Why do I really care? Outside of feeling more energetic and being healthier overall there is another very shallow reason that I care. I care what others think. Yikes, that's so shallow!!! But I know its true. I think, if women were all 100% honest they would admit they care too...at least a little. Why do we waste so much energy worried what others might think of us. Always trying to impress. Oh yeah, I better call Sandy for that haircut. I'm sure she thinks I'm crazy after telling her for 2 yrs. that no matter how much I begged her to cut it, she should never EVER, EVER, EVER let me go short again!! I knew I would hate it! I wonder if I change my shampoo if I'd get more "poof"on top. Maybe my current shampoo cleans TOO well; stripping all my natural oil and leaving it...blah. Thinking of blah, I really hate that new organic cleaner I bought. It makes the house smell blah. Well actually it smells like...wait...I know that smell...that's it!!! I figured it out!!!! It makes the house smell like oregano!

I'm sorry, but if I clean my bathroom and it ends up smelling like a pizza shop on steroids I just don't feel like its clean; no matter what percentage of bacteria killing claims are made! Good thing our dinning room is currently clean and smells like it!! Lemony fresh! But it does need to be painted..." Now you know the thoughts that landed me in the paint section of Home Depot just hours later. Seriously this is how my crazy brain works!

So how could any of that be valuable for anyone? Here's the thinking that followed as I rolled the brown away on my dinning room walls. I spent time talking to God about what women want. We all really just want to be loved and accepted. The truth is we already are. We just forget sometimes. Occasionally, if not frequently, dressing to impress and/ or decorating to dazzle. Often wondering what others will think or say about us. Don't get me wrong I believe that taking care of your outward appearance and your home are very important, but if I'm honest, at times I do it for the wrong reasons. It should always be because I value the home and health God has given me, but I admit on occasion I am motivated by the wrong things. I began to question if I spend more time caring what others think or what God thinks? Is my main motivation Him or others? If I spent just as much time renovating my heart as I do renovating my home what would change?

On the days I spend 35+ minutes showering, and getting ready but just 10-15 min with God I think my heart needs revival. If a few thoughts about weight loss, hair cuts, and cleaning products prompt a remodel that takes days maybe I need some crazy thinking that sends me into spiritual remodeling? When was the last time I spent days with my Savior, remodeling my heart? Its been a while. I know first hand that the more time I spend on matters of the heart the less time I spend worrying what others think of me. I begin caring more about what God thinks. The more I care what God thinks the more I realize how loved and accepted I am! How could we ever doubt being loved and accepted by the one who died for us??!!!!! The one who paid our ransom! Talk about amazing love!!!

So with Valentines day right around the corner I pray you will be inspired to do some heart renovating and no matter what February 14th looks like for you will be drawn closer to Jesus! I pray you will know and feel the love He so freely offers! I pray if you've never fully given your life to Him you will repent and run to his open loving arms!

I pray you will feel less of a need to impress others and care more about making any renovations that your heart needs! Thanks for following my crazy thinking! I pray you found a nugget! Proverbs 4:23- "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."NKJ

Check Back With Me In 44.94456621 Yrs.

Tue, 20 Jan 2015 18:53:54 GMT

Yesterday wasn't the best day I've ever had. Not the worst either but still frustrating. Actually it started Sunday. I had a headache all day and the kids must be stir crazy. The running, yelling, hitting, silliness, and mess making has been, off the charts, out of control.

In addition one unnamed kiddo helped me to discovered how many years 23,622,864 minutes is. My iPhone is currently disabled for that long due to inaccurately entering my password that many times. I did the math...seriously I had to know.... It will be 44.94456621 yrs. before I can try again. Yes, I know its funny. You can laugh. I can laugh because its not my primary phone anymore. Thank goodness!

Fast forwarding to Monday it wasn't getting better. The older kids had one of those days when they seemed to think school was an option. They must have thought if they complained enough I'd simply throw my hands in the air and say "Congratulations you won! School is no longer part of your world!" Like that's ever gonna happen! So I was feeling the edginess take over when the cutest 2 yr. old on the planet...ok maybe not THE cutest but the cutest in our world...and also the most strong willed, ornery girl I've ever met decided to spit at me and take an entire cup of milk, that I just poured after she begged for it, and spill it INTENTIONALLY all over the floor and my shoes. I reached down in anger and that's when it popped in my mind. Biblical truth. Truth I had hidden in my heart... "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." I was stopped in my tracks. Instead of doing what I felt like doing, I took those pudgy little cheeks in my hands and looked into her big blue eyes and said. 'You are beautiful, you are smart, God made you special and He loves you." ( I was reminded of the movie "The Help").

At first she stared blankly, but when I said "God made you special and He loves you," her smile was priceless. I was then able to explain how bad her behavior was and she cleaned up the mess all by herself. Wow! Progress! I was thinking in my mind that although 44.94456621 yrs. seems like it is so far away it really isn't.

When that day comes if God has blessed me with a long life what will my children be saying about the kind of momma I was? What will they remember? I want them to remember a Mom who was careful with her words and reactions. Words are powerful! Use them wisely as you interact with the people in your world. It doesn't matter if those people are pint sized or peer sized. What we say will often effect what we do. We will be remembered by both.

I pray you are encouraged two ways today. One, to hide God's word in your heart so that in the heat of those moments it comes to mind keeping you from sinning against Him. Two, you will be inspired to choose your words carefully so that they can edify, encourage, and minister grace to others!

Colossians 4:6 "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Why I Give Up On Blogging...

Fri, 16 Jan 2015 19:02:36 GMT

Ok, I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm not a writer. I so desperately want to be but it just doesn't seem to be my thing. Now, my good friend, Steph she can write! She wrote the About section of my website. Talk about jealous. That girl has talent! Don't misunderstand I want to be a writer, for many reasons. One I love to read! Two I find power in written and spoken words.

If you know me, you know I'm definitely never at a loss for words. The problem is, unlike speaking, writing feels like work and I already have PLENTY of that on my plate. All the spelling checks, making sure the paragraphs are indented, and proper punctuation is used...uggg...feels like homework to me. To make matters worse I'm dramatic. This means I want to emphasis a lot of what I say. Explanation points are my friend. Yup, I'm one of THOSE people. I use explanation points on everything!!!! In text conversations my husband, jokingly, wants to know why I'm always yelling at him. Oh and don't forget the proper use of words like no and know, there and their, too, to ,and two. I know how to use and spell these words correctly but the problem is when I'm writing my brain just sorta grabs the first one it sees. Then after I've posted I see them, ALL the MANY errors. Glaring at me. Screaming to be fixed. Then the baby cries, water is boiling over on the stove, and that smell...what on earth is that smell?! Yes, that beautiful little treasure God gave me CAN smell that bad 4 times in one day. What did she eat!? Off to change a diaper...again. And so my words hang out in cyber space just waiting to be judged by the next perfectionist reader.

So I've decided not to care anymore. Ok not true. It will always bug me but its part of admitting that I am an imperfect, saved by grace child of The King!! I guess I should say I've decided not to worry about it. So if you decide to stick around and read my occasional, disorganized, unedited, grammatically incorrect, over and/or under puncuated thoughts don't judge me. Wait I take that back. Judge me, because I know you will. Rabbit trail. Your right to judge is a topic God has recently laid on my heart. Don't hate me yet - just come listen when I speak about it.

Ok back to judging me. I pray in your judging you will see me through a lens that is seasoned with grace. I am a homeschooling mother of 8. Six of our children, ages 9 and under are still living at home. I am filled with human error but I have a servants heart. A heart that wants to encourage and inspire others whenever I can. That is why once again I am attempting a blog. So judge me, but please show mercy.

Mercy that sifts out mistakes in search of a nugget. A nugget meant to uplift. Mostly today I pray you will see yourself through Gods eyes! You are beautiful, yet imperfect! A work in progress! Usable by God if you let Him! Go be used!

Psalm 100:2 "Serve the Lord with gladness..."